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1. Figure out exactly what Christianity must look like and then preach it as loud as possible. As people buy in, make sure that you let them know if they ever depart from your model they will lose their faith.
2. Read a biography and conclude that the person was like that all the time and try to live it out. If you ever take time to rest or don’t pray at least 5 hours a day, beat yourself up.
3. Decide you’re a prophet and figure out what is wrong in everyone else’s life. Share with everyone you know what is wrong with the common people you know in public settings. Use sentences like “If they would just do this” or “the reason bad things happen to them is because…”
4. View God as mean and annoyed with you. Treat everyone else the way you think God treats you.
5. Try to figure out what the most extreme thing you can do or say in every situation and then do it. If you ever fail consider yourself guilty of blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
6. Assume all the problems in your church are everyone else’s fault and not yours. Never consider how your church would be if everyone was like you.
7. If anyone shares about something you have never experienced consider yourself more mature and knowledgeable and completely write them off. Give them a negative look or make sure that they see the disapproving look on your face. Make sure to grab everyone you know afterwards and let them know how wrong this person was. Preach to them from your experience.
8. Assume that everyone that isn’t involved with your group or church isn’t very spiritual. Treat them like you are the expert and they know nothing.
9. Never praise anyone. Always focus on the negative…after all isn’t that how God treats people?
10. Two words…GUILT TRIPS!
11. If anyone ever leaves your church or group consider them apostate. Find out some new thing they believed and pinpoint that as the reason they aren’t “doing well”. Never allow anyone to believe that. Even though you don’t think people can lose their salvation, make an exception. Scratch that, they were probably never saved to begin with.
Of course, it’s not like I have done any of these things 
…
Man this sounds really mean. This is more about the extremism that too many people take on in Christianity. I have fallen victim to some of it and I hope you won’t. I guess it is only offensive if we see ourselves in any of these. Hopefully we can laugh about and then move on from overly judgmental attitudes towards ourselves and others.
By the way, I am all about us living radically for King Jesus, but not in these ways. I have seen myself and others spend too much time being “radical” and not enough time radically loving. May our Father help us all.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:35 pm
and for all of those people who read this and are really confused, feeling a bit condemned, or really unloved:
the sarcasm is based in the fact that the Lord is HUGELY gracious and loving and patient and convicting, but not condemning. He\’s not easily angered and doesnt focus on our negatives all the time (really quite little actually). And again He loves us so much more than we could imagine and really just desires intimate relationship w/ His creation.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
How’s this: *scrunching up nose and craning my neck forward* *pointer finger fully extended with a vengeance*
August 28th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
Carrie’s exactly right.
Something I’m constantly being reminded of by the Lord lately is that He “demonstrates is own love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He loved me so much while I still lived my life in complete rebellion of Him that He gave everything to save me. This wasn’t because of anything I had done to earn His favor. He just wants me to be with Him.
How arrogant is it of me to trash others (in my heart or with my mouth), thinking that I am somehow better than them? Praise Jesus for continuing to refine me even after saving me!
August 29th, 2006 at 11:08 am
Great post, Michael.
August 29th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
You nailed it.
August 29th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Good post, Joseph. Is it bad that I can instantly think of examples of all of these points?
August 30th, 2006 at 2:08 am
wait, wait, wait…so you’re saying that those things listed are bad??? i don’t get it. oh, and trey you’re going to have to teach me that scrunchy nose/craning neck glare.
August 30th, 2006 at 11:08 pm
indeed.
September 5th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Amen.
September 8th, 2006 at 7:42 am
A LA Carte (09/08)
Friday September 8, 2006…
September 8th, 2006 at 8:23 am
12. Create a list of things that “hypocrites” do that you don’t like.
I don’t disagree with what you’re saying, but pointing out the faults in others is exactly what you’re doing, isn’t it?
September 8th, 2006 at 9:40 am
Karl… this is funny. laugh. It is okay to be a Christian and be funny, and to actually have fun as long as it is not at the expense of the Gospel. If he would have named specific people as an example, than that would, well… be so NOT funny.
Anywho, thankyou for giving me a nice hearty chuckle… and doing so without it being at the expense of the Gospel.
September 8th, 2006 at 9:57 am
Karl,
I hear you, but that is why I made sure to put myself in the mix. I have done all of these things. The Lord is teaching me about being more gracious and loving. In many ways I am writing about myself, but I also hope that it exposes some of the motivations of our hearts if we are thinking or doing these things. Thanks for stopping by.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
According to this post, I have shipwrecked myself many times! And I am sure to do it again.
September 26th, 2006 at 11:47 am
What does the word of God say…
September 27th, 2006 at 2:08 am
12. Think about someone else as you read the above 11, and never of yourself.
(Guilty!)
Gotta say, Michael, I’m really convicted. I need to go do something super holy now to make myself feel worthy of Jesus’ love. Maybe I could go hand out a bunch of Bible tracts. You know…the good kind.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:58 pm
That’s a great list and it’s completely true. Keep up the good work. God bless! - Asif, Toronto, Canada.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Awesome. Been there done that.
January 26th, 2008 at 1:24 am
keep on writing, miguel! it’s good stuff.